This entire post is hard to write, but I want to get my thoughts down while they are fresh.
I came across this gem of a scripture in my study today. It perfectly and completely outlines what I have felt and learned and struggled with throughout my experiences as a foster sibling.
1 John 4:7-21
7 Beloved, let us a love one another: for b love is of God; and every one that loveth is c born of God, and knoweth God.
9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might a live through him.
10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he a loved us, and b sent his Son to be the c propitiation for our sins.
11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
12 a No man hath b seen God at any time. If we love one another, c God d dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.
16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that a dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
17 Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he a is, so are we in this world.
18 There is no a fear in b love; but perfect c love casteth out fear: because fear hath d torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
20 If a man say, I love God, and a hateth his b brother, he is a c liar: for he that loveth not his d brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not e seen?
Yesterday my foster sister Jayla left. Six months ago my precious twin foster siblings Nattie and Tino were taken away from us as well. About a year and a half ago, Rebecca left. Sweet Harley is still with us, but based on the recent court meetings and certain rumors going around, the outcome will most likely not be in our favor.I hate bracing myself for loss. The sadness isn't supposed to be here yet, so there is no reason why I should sabotage current happy thoughts. However, getting my hopes up every single time has only resulted in an even bigger crash when the loss hits.
Why would my family keep putting ourselves through this? Especially after we were so heartbroken from the twins, I did not know how we could keep subjecting ourselves to this pain.
The system is already broken. The government has proven that they cannot parent, and yet they still have decided to undertake the responsibility for raising hundreds of thousands of troubled children in America. I have ideas for system reform, and I could rant about the system all day. However, I am in no position of power (Good thing, too. I'm probably too emotionally charged and angry about this to make any reasonable stance. I'll save that for the future. I will do something about these children someday, though. I will do it. More on that later.)
For now, I am a sister and a daughter. The answer to the question of why is Love. I learned it is okay for pain and love to exist simultaneously. Love is not without sacrifice or hurt. You can love your enemies without fear or anger. You can find peace in pain. God, who is ultimately Love embodied, sent me to this family, sent these children to us, and taught me the importance of eternal love. For that I thank Him daily.
Pictured:
Harley is the blue-eyed ginger boy with the massive adorable head. Jayla is the two-year old in all dresses with the big brown eyes and the fabulous fro. Tino is the handsomest baby ever with his big lips, olive skin, and dark hair and eyebrows. Sweet little Nattie is the gorgeous baby girl with dark red hair, olive skin, and a little face that reminds me of a bunny rabbit. She is so precious. I have included a picture of a baby bunny for reference.
I really love you all.
Sincerely,
Liv