Note: The purpose of this post is most certainly not to show off my writing proficiency. I've written an extensive amount of research papers, diagnostic summaries, and reading essays since I've been at college, and I'm declaring a break from professionalism. I believe that does the soul quite a bit of good every once in a while. Yeeeeeehhh.
Another note: Yesterday was one of those days. I drove myself an hour to Salt Lake after running out of my last college class of the day. I got on the road to my destination only to realize that, especially since I had never been there before, I did not know exactly how to get there on my own. My phone was also dead, and I had left my designated car charger in a friend's car, thus rendering my iPhone navigation useless until I ran all the way home to retrieve my extra charger. I was already going to be late, but now I was inevitably 30 minutes late. I tried to find parking and my destination for 30 minutes, ended up risking it and parking in a "permit only" lot, and walked by myself 30 more minutes to the concert hall. It was just one of those times where you've asked people for directions and consulted your phone for maps and checked your email for the rehearsal itinerary seemingly a thousand times and your feet know where they are going and you're nearly there, but you still feel utterly lost. I hadn't really experienced a sensation like this until just around now, but I just ached for someone to come care for me. Stop me from walking so fast, sit me down, help my mind clear up, hold my hand, ask me what's going on, be okay with me. Now, I have never been a cuddly person or a naturally submissive child. Ask my family. Intensity and competition has been my favorite way of life. Yet because this has been the trending precedent of my life so far, it feels like there is an assumption of stoicism that goes before me. I can do anything. However, I need people. Sometimes I don't like that people need people. I cried and thought a lot while walking down the street for those 30 minutes. Then, I composed myself and walked into that concert hall to my position in the front row, second soprano core, and had an incredible evening full of work and praise and joy and love. The whole evening, including the self soul talk/little cry session was freaking beautiful, I'm telling you. Consequently, I have some thoughts to put down.
Many people have approached me, especially throughout the course of the past four years of my life, to ask me how I am the way I am. "How did you get so good at ________? How are you so smart? How can I get my children to be like you? Why are you so good at everything? Can you teach me how to be good at ________?" First, I am good at very few things. I also do not feel I am extraordinarily smart anymore. I am not. Now, pride in myself is a weakness I have recognized and sought to lessen in recent years. However, I have no doubt that some of my responses to those questions in the past were dripping with haughtiness. It kinda sickens me at times to consider my past character. We all probably have moments like that, though.
What I did with the first 18 years of my life is perhaps just slightly more unusual than is common of an American Mormon girl, but it's not particularly phenomenal or different as a whole. I still ended up at BYU. In regards to that point, I must say God surely works in mysterious ways. I still live in the western United States having never traveled outside the country. I'm serving a mission next year along with the tens of thousands of missionaries out there. Marriage and motherhood are in my cards for the next 5-10 years. Basically, I'm doing all the main stuff that everyone else here is doing, but I'm trying to do it differently. I'll explain.
I don't like to do easy, common things. Honestly, getting into BYU did not require any significant concentrated effort on my part other than what I usually do. However, getting into Yale did, and I felt like that was a significant personal accomplishment as a result. I don't like to do things that everyone else can do and already does in the way everyone already does them. That's just lame. There is no excellence in average achievement.
I therefore must attribute every good thing I have ever accomplished to these two things:
1. The fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ and His Atonement
2. PRACTICE
Go out and work hard, my children. Do the good work. Be bothered, be brave, be bold.
(This post was written on October 22nd.)
